Gen whY Aren't You Married?

As a member of Generation Y, a woman and a person I would like to declare that I am not married, am no longer in a rush to be married but I am sure I will be married at some point. I am not in Limbo. I am living my life as a person who happens to be single, working and happy. 

There are a plethora of online spaces for discussing being engaged, being married, being a parent and I'm glad. My particular favorite is www.apracticalwedding.com and has been since I discovered it in 2008, more on that later. A Practical Wedding has grown into so much more than a place for sane women to discuss getting married. Men, LGBT community, single people they're all on there now exploring what it means to foster and support healthy relationships. It's wonderful to learn from them. I want to have a space that speaks more to the single person, not the single person waiting in quiet desperation for her prince, but the thoughtful single person who has delved into and rejected the fairy tales and expectations thrown at her, because she's seen the numbers and knows they are not pretty. To be successful in life and in love takes intention. 

Here we talk about living with intention now and not just waiting on marriage as a financial plan or a happiness guarantee. You know it ain't, ladies. It's been confirmed: 

Facts (according to Forbes):

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau there has been a significant increase in the number of women who have never been married, particularly in the 20-34 age bracket (Millennial women.)
• A survey of Gen Y women revealed that 59% feel that “living together” is a legitimate lifestyle and a majority said it is okay to remain unmarried even if they have children.
• Demographer Kenneth Gronbach blogged that Generation Y will begin to “marry with a vengeance” as they hit the Gen Y marrying age of 26.  (I think he is dead wrong but it is okay to disagree. So we’ll report and you decide.)

Some nuggets that may appear to be unrelated to marriage and our changing ideas of what constitutes normal and/or healthy family units:

• Men may be becoming irrelevant. Gen Y men as a group seem to be struggling with the role of breadwinner and being a Dad is not what it used to be.
• 37% of 18-29 year-olds have been unemployed or under-employed during the recession.
• More than 1 in 3 young workers say they are living with their parents.
• Only 58% of Millennials say they pay their bills on time.
• Only 21% of Millennials say they are married, (half the percentage as their parent’s generation at the same age.

We know these facts, we feel them in our bones and see them across the table on our zillionith first date. We proceed cautiously, but at our core we are optimists. We just need to stack the cards in our favor.