New Milestones

Traditionally (Re: prior to the Great Recession) the milestones for life after high school were:

- Attend and graduate from College or - Get a job

- Land a great job, or one starter job before landing a great lifelong career

- Get Married

- Buy a Home

- Have a kid

- Have some more

We all know by now that these traditional milestones have been largely made intangible by the economic downturn. Still, outside of our peer-group, these milestones are still held in the collective conscious as signs for being a successful adult.  Redefining “the Good Life” is a huge part of redefining what it means to be single in this grave new world. It’s time to choose new milestones for ourselves, to declare them, map out the path and achieve them.

It’s not good for our brains or our spirits to hold fast to these old milestones. If we keep them old paradigm we will be left feeling as though we have stalled out. Instead of feeling as though we occupy the space between graduation and success, let’s consider ourselves already on the path of living a full and intentful.

This time before we are bound by mortgages, marriages, children and tenure can serve as an opportunity to craft a life-view and begin living it out. Our free time allows the space needed to convert this life-view into daily habit before we are bogged down by life event clutter and clamour. Once a positive life-view is out habitual go-to philosophy, we can think on our feet, jump to the right and honest conclusions and bring more positivity to the table as we set new places for partner (or not) and kids (or not).

Individuality is the cornerstone of our generation’s zeitgeist and so the milestones we set for ourselves are unique to us. Lucky is the generation that follows us because they are less likely to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders by not picking the usual path because either they a) don’t want it or b) can’t have it.

I would love to hear from each of you on the milestones you for yourself and choose freely. As for me, I will celebrate the following crowning achievements and consider myself a grand success as I continue to tick off the boxes:

• Traveling to India, Ireland, England, Colombia, Peru, Guatemala, Morocco, Scotland, Turkey, Greece, Italy
• Making and maintaining good quality people in my life for over ten years
• Find a way to give back to others through exercising my own talents
• Get into Nursing School (CHECK)
• Become a Nurse Practitioner
• Paying down my student loan debt monthly
• Adding to my savings account monthly
• Sharing my life with a quality mate
• Working to keep a romantic relationship healthy and/or knowing when it’s not and letting it go
• Deciding now what would Katie do when faced with big life decisions: marriage, marital conflict, pregnancy, birth of a son (circumcision), parenting, the chance to go back to school, moving out of state or country.

So those are what I have declared my milestones thus far. Some I’ve already been able to check off, Yay me! Others are still to be achieved, but having them written down allows me to be conscientious in my choices and actions so that I know I am on the path towards achieving them. There are more victories we can celebrate as single, non-landowning young ones. What’s on your list?

Gen whY Aren't You Married?

As a member of Generation Y, a woman and a person I would like to declare that I am not married, am no longer in a rush to be married but I am sure I will be married at some point. I am not in Limbo. I am living my life as a person who happens to be single, working and happy. 

There are a plethora of online spaces for discussing being engaged, being married, being a parent and I'm glad. My particular favorite is www.apracticalwedding.com and has been since I discovered it in 2008, more on that later. A Practical Wedding has grown into so much more than a place for sane women to discuss getting married. Men, LGBT community, single people they're all on there now exploring what it means to foster and support healthy relationships. It's wonderful to learn from them. I want to have a space that speaks more to the single person, not the single person waiting in quiet desperation for her prince, but the thoughtful single person who has delved into and rejected the fairy tales and expectations thrown at her, because she's seen the numbers and knows they are not pretty. To be successful in life and in love takes intention. 

Here we talk about living with intention now and not just waiting on marriage as a financial plan or a happiness guarantee. You know it ain't, ladies. It's been confirmed: 

Facts (according to Forbes):

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau there has been a significant increase in the number of women who have never been married, particularly in the 20-34 age bracket (Millennial women.)
• A survey of Gen Y women revealed that 59% feel that “living together” is a legitimate lifestyle and a majority said it is okay to remain unmarried even if they have children.
• Demographer Kenneth Gronbach blogged that Generation Y will begin to “marry with a vengeance” as they hit the Gen Y marrying age of 26.  (I think he is dead wrong but it is okay to disagree. So we’ll report and you decide.)

Some nuggets that may appear to be unrelated to marriage and our changing ideas of what constitutes normal and/or healthy family units:

• Men may be becoming irrelevant. Gen Y men as a group seem to be struggling with the role of breadwinner and being a Dad is not what it used to be.
• 37% of 18-29 year-olds have been unemployed or under-employed during the recession.
• More than 1 in 3 young workers say they are living with their parents.
• Only 58% of Millennials say they pay their bills on time.
• Only 21% of Millennials say they are married, (half the percentage as their parent’s generation at the same age.

We know these facts, we feel them in our bones and see them across the table on our zillionith first date. We proceed cautiously, but at our core we are optimists. We just need to stack the cards in our favor.